The ‘heart’ decision from my wife’s point of view is what dominates everything in our life now.Īt personal expense to us we have had a foot in both countries already. In terms of seeing things in B&W, by mine and (usually) my wife’s take the ‘head’ decision is to stay and continue to build on this already great life for us and now our son. Well, big thanks for all your input (and love to hear more). i would love to chat to your wife on email if she would like to sound off- there's lots of us in this situation, but i can't offer any solutions just understanding. it's a crazy world when you are married to someone whose life is here, but lots of people are in this boat. i can't tell you the solution other than going for an extended trip (lucky you have the funds) and seeing where the land lies after. I am a pom married to another pom but who has lived here most of their lives so they do not wish to return to the Uk either, but i'm afraid we've got to the same stage ie i want some time with my own family now. As your child is still so little, she will be possibly be reeling from all the changes and you cannot predict how motherhood changes perspective on things such as being able to be near your own family. also, the older a person gets and motherhood (this is the biggest addition) the draw to 'home' is much stronger. But, it never goes away, a bit like grief, you learn to deal with it. last year i had to see a psychologist to get some clearer thinking going on. it's an actual illness and can floor people. please never dismiss it as something in her control. no matter the length of time away, no matter how great your life is here, it's very very real. Very, very tough and often heartbreaking situation (especially when now faced with losing my beloved wife AND my son) so any words from anyone in a similar spot would be much appreciated.ĭefinitely have my empathies- can i just tell you that homesickness for some feels as strong as grief- i get it at least twice a year to the point where i am bed ridden and crying and not able to do anything other than indulge it. I understand there is more to life than material things but comparing our situation in Aus V’s UK, we would be going so far backwards (including not having the opportunity to travel to Aus near as much as we can the other way) and in a lot of ways, staying backwards. I don’t for one second begrudge my wife’s pull towards family and have done a lot to ensure they’re are a big part of our lives. clichés like sun, surf and a house bigger than our shed). To have anything like we have here would take years and years to achieve, if at all (e.g. From people we know in the UK it is tough there. We’ve worked hard to have what we do (including the ability to travel to the UK almost yearly) so throwing this away is a very scary prospect. I know I wouldn’t like it (I’ve been 10 times) and from reading a lot of posts on here, I suspect my wife wouldn’t either after a period of time. I’ve thought about just doing it and living in the UK. I made a solid commitment to her that we would travel to the UK whenever possible and support her family coming out here but now, this doesn’t seem enough. We have travelled to the UK together 5 times (the last trip lasting 3 months) and we’re booked to return at Xmas. I made it very clear from the day we met that the UK is not where I want to live and she understood this. It’s heartbreaking seeing her go through this, especially when the rest of our lives are so good. Every day is a struggle though for her and it has gotten to the point where moving to England is the only thing that she says will bring happiness. We have good jobs, a growing group of new friends, a great lifestyle and all the things we wanted. Life in general (by hers and my admission) is great. We have recently moved states, partly for lifestyle reasons and partly to be closer to my parents (and the child care benefits that comes with that) and now we’re in the midst of a very, very intense period of homesickness. But for one reason or another she never moved back, usually citing our relationship as the main reason she chose not to. She has been here 8 years (married 2) now and we now have a 1 year old son (born in Oz).įor years (before our son was born) she went through periods of being homesick. I’m an Australian bloke married to the love of my life. I’m hoping for some advice (or maybe similar stories?) of how I can provide support to my partner and get our lives back on track. I’m a newbie and not sure if this is the correct place for this so please let me know if I need to move this post?
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